Ex-Vegan (4+ Years): Icelandic Girl Realizes the Importance of Where She's From

Watch on YouTube · 2019-04-20 · 49 min

0:00 You can introduce yourself and start at the very beginning, what year it was and how you got into veganism and then how it unfolded.

[video] 0:09 Okay, so my name is Erla and I was vegan consistently for four years, but vegetarian and kind of in and out playing around with veganism for seven years total. So it's been like, yeah, it was like a winding road and now I've been six months Just over six months, really animal-based diet. And my gut and my skin has changed so much. It's really unbelievable. And I'll get into what I do now later. So I was in ninth grade, I believe. I can't even think of the year. Maybe it was like 2011. I don't know. Yeah, I was in ninth grade. And I had a couple friends who were vegetarian. And they were gymnasts.

[video] 0:56 very athletic they were very fit and very lean girls and I was very fit as well I do cross country and I thought oh this might be a better way for me to you know up my performance and running and you know why not try it out and I was always kind of curious about how these girls were doing like with their health but they looked great and I wanted to be like my friends of course so I started considering it and the moment I decided to stop eating meat was it was like a split second decision I was eating chicken with my family at dinner And just something clicked in my mind, like, oh, my gosh, this is a dead bird, as if it was just out of nowhere. I got this message, like, oh, this is a dead bird. And I just spit it out. And I said at the dinner table to my family, I'm not eating meat anymore. And they were like, OK, yeah, you do what you want. My mom's a yoga instructor, and she's very familiar with vegetarianism. And it's something that has always Yeah, she's always accepted it. She's not vegetarian herself. She doesn't eat pork.

[video] 1:55 She doesn't eat dairy, which also made it very easy to be vegan in our household.

[video] 2:00 But yeah, so in that moment, I decided I was going to go vegetarian. So I stopped eating meat and I started making my own lunch and brought it to school. I was always, you know, just so many carrots and I would bring whole avocados and I would make like nice sandwiches. But then after that school year, I was away for the summer and I was visiting family and I was kind of bored so I would just go on YouTube and just like so many people they found out about veganism through YouTube like YouTube is really like TV people get paid some people get paid and people just get information they just sit down and they just absorb everything as if it's the Bible just just crazy but yeah so I came across some raw vegan YouTuber and And that was when I kind of found out about veganism. I don't remember who it was. It wasn't Freely or any big name. It was just some girl who was just kind of going into her story and, you know, why she was a vegan and everything like that.

[video] 2:57 And I was reflecting and thinking, oh, yeah, I'm a vegetarian now, but I'm not eating that clean. Like I was just like standard vegetarian eating whatever. And I, you know, I ate a lot of yogurt at the time. Especially when I was in Iceland visiting my family, yogurt is very, very big there. And it was one of the best vegetarian options that I could just snack on all the time. So I consumed a lot of dairy. And occasionally, I would have a little bit of salmon with my family if they were cooking it. But I was still just like, oh, no, it's a dead fish. That's so disgusting. And I kind of tricked myself into thinking that the smell of fish was disgusting. But now it's such a different perspective now. Yeah, so that summer, I started becoming familiar with veganism. And I didn't really commit to it, but I started eating a lot of raw style dishes while still just having my regular vegetarian diet. And I was feeling like I was going to just gradually ease into it.

[video] 3:55 So that whole following year, I was vegetarian-ish, mostly vegan. And that progressed through most of high school. just eating that way. And I was always very, very slim, very lean. I didn't have any problems with my skin at this point. This was like, yeah, a couple years into it, just vegetarianism, not full veganism. And yeah, my skin was fine. In high school, I had very, very long blonde hair. I'm naturally blonde. I don't know if you can see my eyebrows. I dyed my hair dark. But yeah, I had this gorgeous, long blonde hair, which is now all gone. I would make banana date smoothie. That was when I had found, freely, the banana girl, of course. I can't even say her name. It's just a traumatic experience, knowing about a woman's existence at this point. It's so sad.

[video] 4:52 Um, but yeah, that was, oh my God, I'm just laughing. Okay. Uh, yeah. So I started eating a little bit more high carb and, um, I would go into the city and go to these vegan restaurants and think like, oh my God, this is where I want to be. This is amazing. And then it was time to go to college. And I basically like picked my college for, for several reasons. But one of the reasons was because I heard that the dining hall had like some of the best

[video] 5:24 free schools for vegans. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go there. Also, it was close to my partner at the time. And it was close to my family. But that was kind of like a selling point. Like, oh, yeah, I'm going to be able to eat really well.

[video] 5:36 So what I'll mention is I'm just going to be really open about my mental state and just what I've gone through emotionally. I think it's worth it. I don't mind sharing. So I have had a lot of early childhood trauma. and a lot of family trauma. And I've always been moved around. I've moved probably, yeah, I haven't even counted how many times I've moved. I was removed from my homeland really dramatically when I was six, ripped apart from my true family, and just separated from one of my birth parents. And it was a really, really severe experience. the FBI got involved because somebody filed kidnapping charges around me. It's just there's been a lot of control issues in my life, and I've always felt like people are trying to control me. So I started to think like, oh, yeah, I just want to look like them. I want to look slim.

[video] 6:33 I want to look like a vegan because there's a specific look. It's very gaunt now that I think about it. It's not like a helpful look, and I think so many people are misled to think that these vegans that are like, you know, I don't wear makeup, and this is what I look like. And they're so proud of how they look. But they actually look really unwell. Yeah. So yeah, back to when I got to college, I wanted to look like that. And on my college orientation day, I met some people that were vegan. It was like we were having some ice cream social, and they were the only ones not eating. And I was like, I want to be friends with those girls, because they're on this vegan tip as well. But I wasn't fully vegan at that point. And they were the ones that really got me on board. So yeah, they were just like, yeah, no, we do not eat ice cream. Like, no way. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's so cool. Like, that's amazing. I feel like a comedian now. Just because these girls, they looked kind of cool. And I don't know. They kind of brought me in as their friend, too.

[video] 7:32 And I felt like they kind of saw me as this, like, oh, we're going to get her on board, too. So I really clicked with these girls for many reasons, but specifically just being so into diet and all this stuff. And I remember one of them. was so negative and hateful towards people in general. Like, I know you talk about, like, the whole anti-human agenda, which I resonate with so much. Like, I think about that all the time, and it's so true just how so many vegans just, they hate human beings, and they hate themselves. And one of, yeah, when I heard you speak about that for the first time, immediately this person came to my mind, and I was like, yeah, that's that person I knew in college who didn't even want anyone to say hello

[video] 8:20 basically um they like didn't want to talk to strangers ever um if someone tried to pet their dog it was like get away from me like just so aggressive and like unkind and would shame people for having food that made them feel good on their plate um if it was like a grilled cheese sandwich or something like that everybody that i know gets so unbelievably gassy from tempeh like i have this one friend he would come over after eating tempeh he'd be like sorry i gotta step outside

[video] 8:52 I grew up in rural Iceland, and then my family moved to a farm in New England, in the U.S. So I've always lived in nature, so I kind of thought, oh, you know, of course it's going to feel different. When I moved into the city for the first time, I was thinking, like, everything, like, there's toxins everywhere, like, the air is toxic, and I started to feel really sensitive to the city.

[video] 9:18 So I blamed it all on that, of course. So yeah, three months into college, my forehead broke out fully in acne. Every single inch of my forehead was covered with tiny bumps or huge cysts. And like I said, in high school, I didn't have severe acne. Maybe around my cycle, I would get a couple bumps in some places, but it was never like, oh, this girl has acne. So yeah, college, I really, really started breaking out. I started to get really bloated. And there was always this rumor around campus that they put laxatives in the food in the dining hall. And I was like, yeah, that's just what it is. They put laxatives in the food. But I don't believe that. I think that's just some rumor. That's a legal issue. You can't drug someone without telling them they didn't put laxatives in the food. But people always kind of said that. Yeah, so really bad acne, bloating.

[video] 10:18 And that all started to get so much worse throughout my first year. And I started to lose my energy a lot. I started skipping classes. All of my friends that weren't vegan, like my roommate especially, she was just a junk food person. But she was always eating fried chicken and roast beef sandwiches and stuff. And I thought it was so gross at the time. But yeah, I get it. She had so much energy. And I would be like, oh my god, I'm so tired. I can't go to class. And that was persistent throughout my whole college career, just being so exhausted. And I really depended on coffee, and I started to get really addicted to chocolate, which now I'm just like, yeah, I can't touch it. I'm just done with chocolate. It's done. I drink coffee sometimes. That's my next step. It's been one thing to let go of veganism, but moving away from coffee is really my next step. The second year, I started to be more fruit-based. I would go to the grocery store and buy many mangoes, many dates,

[video] 11:21 like, breakfast after a run or something. And keep in mind, like, I was still working out a lot at this time. Like, I've always been a runner. But that started to decline after my second year because I was so bloated at that point. Just, like, protruding stomach. And it wasn't fat because, like I said, I was so obsessed with working out that I never really, like, put on pounds. It was just, like... Yeah, I could say I probably looked four months pregnant at least at all times.

11:54 Would you say that you did worse with your Icelandic genes eating so many plants compared to other people?

[video] 12:01 Yeah, so that's something I want to get into as well. The word primal is very mixed. I think people perceive it in different ways. the way that I perceive that is just eating according to your genetics if you have the privilege of knowing them. I get that a lot of people are adopted or come from a part of the world where it's not as easy to track down their genetics, but I know I am Icelandic and German and Danish. So my ancestors were never eating tofu or tempeh or rice and pineapple. And for a consistent lunch meal for me was rice and

[video] 12:41 on toast because that's what all the vegan youtubers were saying is totally fine and all these vegan doctors were like oh yeah just eat starch just eat carbs you're gonna be good and then of course like when they had guacamole at the salad bar I would like stock up on it and save it for the week so that I could get my avocado in and I don't I would never like I don't touch avocado anymore I'm like why it's such a waste to me to eat an avocado my ancestors like I probably don't know how to synthesize that type of plant fat, or any plant fat, really. I don't know. Can you think of any plant fat from that part of the world?

13:19 There's plant oils mostly. It's monounsatur and polyunsatur, so there's not even really plant fat. It's mostly oil.

[video] 13:27 Yeah, exactly. And I don't think any of my ancestors cooked with oils even. It was just butter. In the middle of nowhere in Iceland, all you can really eat year-round is fish from a river, cows, sheep, pigs, chickens, eggs, butter, and then carrots, potatoes. And those are the only vegetables, really, that people would eat there. Maybe herbs if you grew them indoors, onions, and then seaweed. Yeah.

13:57 Would you say that overall you ate a good, vegan, balanced diet?

[video] 14:03 So it went in and out. That's the thing. So yeah, my first year of college, I was just eating whatever was vegan around me that I could eat. Like I said, I always tried to eat really pure. Even in high school, when I was making my lunches, like I said, I would just bring carrots or avocados or make a huge raw salad. And I started doing these raw dishes. And I started doing some raw baking as well, like making cashew banana mousse cakes and all this stuff. I'm just thinking that was the healthy dessert.

[video] 14:39 Yeah, so I went in and out of being healthy. My second year of college was definitely the most extreme high-carb. But I wasn't eating potato chips or just like junk. I was just eating whole foods. And then my third year, that was when things really changed for me. So before my third year, I was in Iceland for the summer. And I had just gotten out of a rough relationship. And I was really stressed out. And the person I was, this is so silly, but the person I was dating had really blonde hair like I did. And when we broke things off, I really wanted to separate myself from the relationship. And I was like, I'm going to dye my hair. Like, I don't want to be reminded of this person because we both had this like white hair and I didn't want to look like them anymore. So I just was like, oh, I need to change.

[video] 15:37 So I dyed my hair this reddish pink color. But it was kind of like being a redhead, but really, really light, like strawberry blonde. And I swear, after I dyed it, it wasn't that my hair fell out when I was dying it. It wasn't that the hair dye. It was like a natural henna. It would have strengthened my hair, if anything. When I dyed my hair, I noticed immediately how brittle it was.

[video] 16:06 how sensitive I had made my hair, literally just from seeing it go from one color to the other, just seeing how thin it had become. I just had this mindset of like, oh yeah, if it's natural, meaning it comes from nature, that means it's healthy for me. But at that point, I didn't understand that bananas where they are now aren't natural. I didn't understand that eating maca powder and cacao and spirulina and kelp noodles and all these superfoods that I was really starting to get into weren't natural to me. Maybe they were natural to somebody in the rainforest hundreds of years ago, but it's not something that is natural to me. So I think I was very misled by this person. If he's watching this video, like, yeah, I don't know. He shouldn't have told me that.

[video] 16:59 It's very dangerous to tell someone, like, oh, yeah, just eat, like, natural, because people will perceive that in different ways. And he was really big into charcoal. He had this Norwegian charcoal powder that he would make tonics out of, and we would drink that.

[video] 17:20 And looking into charcoal, it actually is really dangerous to take in excess. I don't know if you've read much about charcoal. It actually depletes you of nutrients. So if you're going to take charcoal, it needs to be on an empty stomach, preferably while fasted, so that you're not interfering with the metabolic state of your food. Because it pulls out toxins, but it also pulls out nutrients. And it's actually what people use in hospitals to save people from drug overdoses. Um, so yeah, so I was doing a lot of charcoal, which I think pulled out a lot of the nutrients in my body, which definitely did damage. Um, but yeah, so that summer I was eating a lot of like super food type things with this person. Um, and then I came back from Iceland that, that fall, um, to go back to school and I noticed how much hair I had lost. Um, yeah, like I said, I had really, really lost.

[video] 18:20 blonde hair, and I'll just show you my hair now. It's growing back, but this is all I have.

[video] 18:30 It's basically see-through. It's so unfortunate, and I had to dye it dark because I just felt like I looked so unwell with that color and how thin it was. And I have healthy hair coming in now. I have highlights right here.

[video] 18:49 So yeah, my hair's growing healthy up top, it's wet, I just took a shower. But from here down, this is where the orange and blonde is, and it's just totally dead, because that's what my hair was when it was growing. And it wasn't the hair dye, it wasn't the orange hair dye. Definitely, it was like a henna, it was supposed to make my hair healthy. So yeah, I came back and I realized how much hair I had lost, and how severely bloated I was.

[video] 19:17 That whole summer, I didn't want to wear a bathing suit because I felt like I looked pregnant. I was going to all these hot springs in Iceland and feeling like, oh, I'm going to enjoy this so much. But I just felt like I was hanging out with this guy. And I felt like people were going to think we were having a baby or something. I genuinely thought I looked like I was having a child.

[video] 19:40 But I mean, I definitely wasn't. I always had my period. A lot of vegans lose their period. I always had mine just fine. So I can't speak for that. But I genuinely was like, wow, I look like I'm with child. So that fall, it just got so much worse. And up until that point, I was still pretty active. But at that point, my bloating was so severe and my gut issues were so bad, just gassy pain to the point where if I felt like I pressed on my stomach, it was like this really tender, stabbing type of feeling.

[video] 20:14 was really really bad and that of course affected my skin too so my skin was just just wretched at this point like it wasn't just in my forehead at this point it was like all up on here my scarring is mostly gone now but it was like deep just like on every inch of my face just like bad acne um and i got it on my chest too my back um yeah just my skin was just screaming at me um probably from the stress in my body of just overloading it with so many carbohydrates and just my insulin levels constantly spiking. Like no stability with my blood sugar at all.

[video] 20:53 So yeah, I got back and I had to stop working out basically that fall because it hurts so much to do many times. Like I always like doing like ab exercises and trying to stay toned in this part of my body just because I feel like a lot of our energy comes from our core. And that's something I've always really believed. And I couldn't do any ab workouts. I couldn't do a pushup or a crunch or anything because I just felt like so much pressure in my stomach area, in my gut. And I always felt like I was full of food, even though I was going to the bathroom like three times a day, like really heavily. A little TMI, but yeah, it was just like, I thought I was like full of food, but I wasn't at all. Like I was emptying. It was just like air. At this point, I don't even know what it was. I think it was just air and water weight, perhaps. I have to look into it more.

[video] 21:46 But yeah, I also started running less because I would be running and I would just feel the weight of the pain in my gut just pounding, pounding, pounding every time I was running. I also had to stop doing yoga. Yeah, I grew up doing yoga, and I forgot to mention that. But yeah, that was something that I always did as well. Like in high school, I think part of the reason I was really lean and fit was because I would do like an hour of deep stretching or yoga every day.

[video] 22:16 So I had to stop doing that. So yeah, this was like year three into full veganism.

[video] 22:25 And that winter, things just started to get really, really rough for me, skipping classes, My skin just terrible, my energy so unbelievably low, just like, yeah, just could barely function. When our GI system is off, of course your whole mood is going to be totally unbalanced as well. So my mood was really, really bad and I wanted to be in solitude. I wanted to have time for myself. So I went there and I didn't spend any time with my family. But I went to stay with my aunts and uncles. But I stayed at their guest house because I wanted to be alone in the countryside at their farm. It's a massive dairy operation. It's really wonderful, which is really sad. When I was vegan, I would visit the farm and be like, oh, I need to save these cows. I'm going to rescue one of these animals one day. But it's a really wonderful grass-fed operation. No hormones.

[video] 23:25 They're so happy. It's one of the most beautiful farms I've ever visited. But I was so brainwashed when I was vegan that I thought my uncles were these bad guys torturing these goddesses in the cow house. So ridiculous. So sad. Yeah.

[video] 23:45 And it's really sad, I feel like they really judged me when I stopped wanting to drink the raw milk with them, and when I refused everything at the dinner table from them. And they would always be like, you're so skinny, you're so skinny. But in my head, I was like, no, I look pregnant and puffy, but OK, sure. Yeah, so I was staying with them, but alone in the guest house. And it was a really, really beautiful weekend that I spent there in solitude.

[video] 24:12 The reason I'm going to this is because this was like the reason I started to question everything. So it was a really beautiful day. And yeah, I was having all types of revelations that day. I was just journaling and meditating and having a really beautiful time. And I would climb up the cliffs and look at the pink. The sun doesn't come up really during the day in Iceland. In the wintertime, it just peaks over the ridge and everything's bright pink and really

[video] 24:45 from the hot springs and it was just really magical and I think it sparked this realization in me that I was really disconnected from nature at that point I just started to feel really removed from the environment that I was in and I felt that I was in my home like that farm is where I feel most at home I want to live there again and it's truly like my my center but I felt so separated from it at that point and I started to get like a little like a little woozy thinking like like feeling mentally unstable in that moment. So I went inside to the house after I had like been on this hike. And I came back in and I felt, okay, maybe I should eat something. So I opened the fridge in the guest house to see what I had for food with me. And I had been there for a couple days, so I was running kind of low on foods. But I had like tofu, broccoli, some rice that I had made the night before. I think I had

[video] 25:45 like some Brazil nuts and a couple like snack items like rice cakes and almond butter.

[video] 25:53 And then I, in the freezer, I had frozen mango and I thought, okay, like maybe I'll just have some mango before I start cooking my dinner because I just want a little snack and I just need to go like meditate, just going to go sit down, relax and have some mango.

[video] 26:11 And in that moment, something really clicked for me after having that realization outside and then coming back inside, just feeling like something's really wrong. I looked at the bag of frozen mango, and it said, product of Chile. And in that moment, for me, it was like, wait a second. I'm in the middle of nowhere in Iceland, three hours away from any type of major civilization, and I'm eating a bag of bag of frozen mango from Chile that was probably hand-picked by someone who's super underpaid, and it's in plastic packaging, and it had to make its way halfway across the globe. Imagining how much energy and resources and fossil fuels and all this stuff it took to get from the bottom of South America to the Arctic Circle.

[video] 27:09 It's just, yeah, that for me, I don't know what happened, but I'm so thankful for that moment where I just realized, like, this is not what I need to be eating. And, yeah, I mean, I had a couple bites of it, and I was like, this is not it. Like, this just isn't it. Like, wow, okay, and I didn't want anything I had in my fridge.

[video] 27:31 But I had to eat it. But I realized like the only thing that I had in my fridge that I could eat in that moment that was similar to what my ancestors could have eaten was like the vegetable I had in there. So I ate that and I was just so sad. I was thinking like everyone around me isn't eating anything that I'm eating and I kind of realized like how terrible I felt in that moment. And I started crying and this is a really Probably one of the most profound moments in my life, really, was just realizing what I had done to myself. And yeah, it was such a big breakthrough. Yeah, it was really, really a powerful moment. So the next day, I left the farm and I went back to the city, Reykjavik, and I bought dried cod. on the way, just at a gas station, like you can get it anywhere. It's just like chips, just dried fish.

[video] 28:31 It's so delicious. It's one of the most satisfying things ever. So much protein and it's just this like delicious saltiness. It's just hang dried fish. And I had one bite of it and I smelled that fishy smell and I was like, I don't know about this. But then after one bite, I was just like, oh my God, like raining down, just like joy, joy, joy, joy, joy. And I ate the whole bag. And that's so much protein in one bag. It's probably like 300 grams of protein or something. But I was just like, this is it. So I ate that. And then I got back to the city. And I decided I wanted to try an egg. And I was staying with my cousin. And she had eggs in the fridge. And I asked, I was like, hey, can I have one of your eggs? And she looked at me like, you? an egg because I was so like anti-egg, anti-animal products. She's like, yeah, yeah, go for it.

[video] 29:28 And I made a hard-boiled egg and I put it on a bed of spinach and just covered it in like hot sauce. And I was like, oh my God, okay, well, I'm trying it. And I forced it down. Like I was not used to the consistency or the texture at all. And I thought it was really disgusting, honestly. But afterward I felt like, I had seen the light of day. It was really a crazy feeling. Um, so yeah, after that point I, I gave up veganism. So I thought, okay, this is the sad part is like, this wasn't it for me. I went back to it. Um, so dumb. Um, no, I just tell myself it wasn't dumb. It was cute. I'm just trying to be nice to myself. Um, so yeah, so I went back to the U S and I,

[video] 30:18 And again, I started eating just the meat in the dining hall, which, of course, wasn't the healthiest. It was just meatballs and all types of processed things. It's like the meatballs, they have wheat flour in them. And I never was eating gluten. Like, I would have toast, because I would be gluten-free, because sensitivity runs in my family. I started dating someone who was vegan, I think, like, six months into my, like, I quit veganism. Like, I'm over it. And I started seeing these like ex-vegan videos on YouTube and I was like, yes, oh my God, I'm not alone. This is awesome. I think the first person I saw go ex-vegan was Nikocado Avocado. Do you know about him? He does like huge mukbang videos. Yeah, so he went from like really like healthy, like supposedly vegan to now just like super extreme, like junk food mukbangs, but.

[video] 31:17 he was the first person that I felt like, oh my gosh, I can just quit if I want to.

[video] 31:24 Yeah, so I met this person who was vegan, and it got really difficult to spend time together and eat the foods that I was eating while they were eating different things. So I thought, okay, veganism can work, and I felt like they kind of talked me into going vegan again, even though part of me was like, But I had hair loss. I had my skin go crazy, my digestive system just erupting with issues. But I went vegan again. But my incentive this time to keep it up was I was going to get a job at a proper restaurant, like a raw food restaurant. And I was going to eat properly and get everything balanced. And this time I was going to do vegan right. So it was like, I'm going to do it well this time. So I got a job at what people call the healthiest restaurant in Boston.

[video] 32:25 If anybody here is watching who lives in Boston, you know which place I'm talking about. I started working there. And you eat for free all day there. The rule is you get one free meal a day, but everybody's just snacking all day long. And it's so toxic. Everyone's just grazing all day. You go to the bathroom, and you come back, and you just eat a date with somebody, and that's like, oh, just a little snack out of nowhere, just because we're supposed to be gracing all day? I don't think so. So yeah, I was eating properly, finally, huge quinoa, massaged kale. black bean, avocado bowls, and huge acai bowls, chia seed pudding, overnight oats, banana smoothies, all types of tonics, and ginger shots, and turmeric shots, and cold pressed juice.

[video] 33:23 The one that I drank the most was carrot, ginger, pineapple, lemon, I think. And I was drinking that as if it was just water. I just loved it so much. And I started to feel a lot better than I was when I was first vegan, just because I think I wasn't eating as much processed food. I wasn't eating tempeh and all that stuff anymore. And I wasn't eating as much gluten-free bread. It was just these whole foods. But I was so bloated still. It was just absolutely crazy. I would take a break.

[video] 34:03 from work and I would go be on the toilet for like 20 minutes just like, oh my god, like ow, like this is really bad. I would come back from the bathroom and people would be like, is she okay? And also not everybody that I worked with was even vegan in the first place, so they were probably fine because they would go home and maybe have some chicken. But I would go home and keep eating like that. And I think a lot of vegans, they are willing to sacrifice their own health, their own well-being for this cause that's completely made up. It's not better for the animals. It's not better for the environment. It's not better for your health. And then some people start to think, oh, yeah, my health's not doing that great, but at least I'm doing something for the animals. And it's like, what animals, though? What animals are you? I don't know. I think they're going to be OK. Yeah. Of course, I don't support factory farming. I don't eat anything factory farmed.

[video] 34:58 That's a very different topic, but yes, I was eating there for a year, and then I, again, like, went to Iceland for the summer. I usually spend my whole summer there. That's why it's, like, it comes in, like, years. That's why I mark the year. It's, like, I go to Iceland. It's, like, a new year begins, kind of. So I went there for the summer, this past summer, 2018, and I was, by that point, I was done with university, and I was ready to, you know, go into the real world and I had a very open mindset. My perspective had changed. I'm very receptive to new ideas. And I went to Iceland. And I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. And they have a summer house in the southern part of the country. And it's right on this huge river. And they have a share of the river. And people pay them to be able to fish on the property. And they catch salmon from the river. And they get it.

[video] 35:56 professionally smoked and cured. And then my grandparents get a share of that cured salmon.

[video] 36:04 And for years, I denied that food. I was like, no, that's bad for you. But it's the most pure, beautiful, wild-caught salmon from the rivers of Iceland from my grandparents' property. How could I refuse that? I don't know. But last summer, I tried it. And it made me so happy to be able to enjoy that meal with my grandparents. Just my grandmother's face seeing me eat the fish from their property was really special. And I was still working at that restaurant, and when I came back, I thought, wow, like, eating that salmon, it didn't do anything bad to me. I didn't break out from it. I didn't gain weight from it. If anything, like, it just made me feel happy. So I decided to... Yeah, I basically quit veganism. I quit my job at that place.

[video] 36:58 And I really didn't have any vegan friends at that point either. They were all starting to question things as well. And then I came across your channel, actually, which really helped. So yeah, thank you for hosting people. Because really hearing other people share their perspective and hear what other people have gone through, which is so similar to me, really helped me feel like, okay, I can get through this. This is all just symptoms of sickness. Like this is just me being really sick right now and I can heal. It's just going to take some time. So yeah, that was when I quit being vegan was October 2018.

37:41 Did you use supplements throughout the whole time?

[video] 37:47 Yes, I did. I did.

37:49 You talked about spirulina, but B12 and all of that?

[video] 37:53 Yeah, so I ate chia seeds religiously, thinking that it was going to convert to omega-3s in my body, like so many people are misled to believe. The fact that so many people say, oh, chia seeds for omega-3s, that is so crazy. Like, they're not actually in there. Your body is maybe, if you're lucky, going to convert some of it. But it's a very small amount, and it's just not realistic to say, oh, yeah, you've got to get your omega-3s from chia seeds. So yeah, I did a bunch of chia seeds. I took MSM powder to help with the detox symptoms. There's so much that I haven't mentioned because this was such a long time, but yeah, I was so in the whole detox mindset. So I took MSM because that was supposed to help with hair growth and detox symptoms. I did B12 spray under the tongue. I never got an injection. I actually got a blood test done at one point when I was making this because I wanted to make sure everything was fine. This was maybe like two years into it. And yeah, my doctors just said, oh, yeah, everything looks great. Yeah, superb.

[video] 38:52 Keep doing what you're doing. And actually, I had a holistic doctor that I went to. And I told her I was vegan. And she goes, oh, yeah, it can work. That's great. Yeah, do your thing. I've heard it can work. But meanwhile, she was raising pigs in her backyard that she was eating. So I'm like, you know what's best. She knew what was best for her, which was raising her own animals. But I told her I was vegan. She's like, oh, yeah. totally safe for a 21-year-old woman to do. Yeah, go ahead. Go right ahead.

[video] 39:24 So yeah, I took B12 spray. I did vitamin D in the winter, just capsules. I took probiotics on and off because my digestive system. Yeah, I should also, this is probably, yeah, controversial to some, but I started doing a lot of enemas maybe three years into veganism. I didn't buy the reusable ones, I would just go to the drugstore and buy the single use ones that were just like the saline enemas. Because I was always feeling like I was so full of food, but I wasn't. I would do an enema after having gone to the bathroom already, and nothing would come out. I would just expel the salt water. So there wasn't anything in there, it was just like poof, like puff. So yeah, I did probiotics. I did enemas.

[video] 40:20 I took Floradix, which is the herbal iron supplement because I was anemic at one point in high school. And then iodine because you can't get iodine on a vegan diet, which seems to be like the secret. Like nobody knows that you can't get iodine on a vegan diet. And they're like, oh yeah, just eat seaweed. Who wants to eat seaweed every day? No, like no one does that. People are like, oh yeah, dulse flakes. On what though? Like you're just going to, I don't know. So I took iodine.

40:48 Seaweed still has anti-nutrients that don't let you absorb minerals anyway. So it's pointless.

[video] 40:53 Yeah, exactly. It's just like, yeah. And then people put it on their kale salad. Oh my gosh, so bad. Yeah. Just ripping everything out.

41:03 The way you talked about the girl earlier, who seemed like a sociopath, would you say that most vegans who you met feel like they're better than everybody else?

[video] 41:14 Yes. I would say, yeah, maybe like 90% of them, yes. And then the other 10% are pretending.

[video] 41:23 So everyone's like, oh, yeah, not all vegans are like that. I said to my friend the other day that the line, like, not all vegans kind of rings in my mind, like the line, like, not all men or something like that. Of like, oh, but like people just need to be held accountable. Like the whole vegan movement is like, So I put a video on my own channel recently, and I stated that I believe veganism is a cult. And I got a really hateful comment saying, you have no right to call veganism a cult. I'm like, OK, first of all, you're on my channel, so why would you can't tell me what I have a right to say? But yeah, I believe that veganism is a cult, inevitably so, because the point is to get more and more people on board

[video] 42:11 get people to sacrifice their own life, sacrifice their own aspects of their own well-being, and to indoctrinate themselves to this belief system that makes them give up different parts of themselves. So yeah, I would say veganism is a cult. All of the people that I was friends with that were or are vegan were all very cult-like in the way that all we would do when we hung out was talk about veganism. I mean, we would talk about our emotional problems, too, probably because we were so emotionally despaired that it was just like something we were always just like, oh, I'm so depressed or anxious or traumatized. And we would just wallow in our own pain. And we would just pity each other. And we would just connect over this like, oh, well, at least we're vegan. And we have good intentions. And we're in it for the animals. And as if this was the only way.

[video] 43:12 yeah it's very much like the it's like a very much like my way or the highway type of mindset where anybody who tried to prove you wrong was just not a friend basically what do you think is the future of veganism just called yeah i don't want to get like negative but i really think that it's going to take over um which is why i'm here on this channel with you today because i I think that the more people share their story, the more people will hear it and see that it's not sustainable long term. Someone can try going vegan for a year and see if anything changes for them. More likely than not, they're going to get really sick and they're going to quit within 10 years. But yeah, it's just really sad. It really is a way to just get people more and more dependent on the capitalist model of trade.

[video] 44:11 and production, the supplement industry. Everyone who's vegan is entirely dependent on supermarkets. Some vegans might say, oh, well, I only shop at the farmer's market. So you buy your nutritional yeast, your sriracha, your olive oil, your coconut oil, your cacao, your avocado, all your spices. You buy all that at the farmer's market, too? No, I don't think so. It's all a way to get people more dependent on the capitalist model of trade. And the biggest joke is that people think that it's sustainable for the environment. And that they think it's more sustainable than going to a local farm and just eating the animals and their organs and eggs and byproducts from there. It's just such a joke. And people are so unbelievably misled. And there's so much misinformation out there. People just get their information from a little clip on Instagram that just says, did you know that meat stays in your digestive tract for 90 days No, it doesn't.

[video] 45:11 The meat stays in your gut as long as it takes for it to make a new bowel movement. That's it. There are just so many lies out there. When I was in college and living in this downtown area, I seriously thought that I was breaking out because I was walking on this really busy street and I was getting car exhaust spewed onto my face while I was walking to class. I thought that I was getting toxins absorbed into my skin and that was giving me acne. So I would sometimes like wear a hood, like walking to class thinking like, oh, I'm protecting myself. It's so crazy.

45:50 I blame anything but veganism. That's the typical story.

[video] 45:54 I know very few vegans now, by the way. Most of the people that I knew that were vegan in college have quit and are really like on my side and we relate so deeply. But all the vegans that stayed vegan, They're very, very depressed. They have very hollow faces. And they move back to their families because they can't get a job. They can't function in society like the other people I know. And I said in my own video that I, this may sound offensive, but I mean it. And I'm just saying it because to me, this is my reality. I don't know one vegan in real life that's thriving. I don't. I know meat eaters that are thriving. They're happy, happy friendships, happy family life, absolutely glowing skin, perfect physique. I have all my teeth intact, thankfully, but they're so unbelievably sensitive at this point.

[video] 46:54 So always as a kid, you know, I never had cavities. High school, never had cavities. But when I went fully vegan and started doing more high carb diet, which inevitably veganism is a high carb diet, no matter how you try to go about it. I'm going to be high carb no matter what, but I have to drink with a straw. I try to use a metal straw so I'm not using up as much plastic, but I can't drink water without using a straw because my teeth are paper thin. They feel like I could just rip them out. My teeth are so unbelievably sensitive, and I have so many cavities. Every time I go to the dentist, I have at least three cavities, and the amount of time that has been spent for me in a dentist chair, I'm only in my mid-20s, and I genuinely fear that by the time I'm 30, I'm gonna have lost some teeth permanently.

[video] 47:50 Okay, so my urinary system is completely screwed up, and I know that that has a lot to do with vitamin deficiencies, but I've had kidney failure twice in the last, yeah, in the last nine months. I've been hospitalized, emergency, room it's not a UTI because I don't show any symptoms of urinary tract infection it's not that I have bacteria up there like just going up from a urinary tract it's just something with my kidneys is really really wrong they also believe that past kidney stones as well which I think is from putting like massive stocks of kale and spinach into my smoothies all the time and yeah I think yeah I just hope that any vegan watching this will have the patience to listen to themselves and to really not forget what your roots are and to really remember what it is that made you feel good as a child, like what foods you grew up eating.

[video] 48:50 I just would encourage anyone to really listen to themselves and not be wrong to question yourself and to admit that you're wrong. For me, I'm still like, I might be wrong. I'm never going to go vegan again, that's for sure. But who knows? Maybe one day, I'll eat more fruit. Or one day, I'll stop eating a certain type of fish. Who knows? But yeah, I just don't want to be too religious about anything. And I also don't want to cancel the option of connecting with certain people just because of the way that they eat and the way they choose to live their life. You may not agree with some things that I do. I may not agree with some things you do. Who knows? Nobody's ever going to fully align on an ethical level with somebody. But that doesn't mean we can't be friends. That doesn't mean I can't learn something from you, you can't learn something from me.

[video] 49:39 Yeah, so I just hope that people will have the patience to listen to themselves and to not tell someone they're wrong until they really, really listen to their heart and understand where they're coming from.

49:53 All right. Thank you.

[video] 49:55 Yeah, thank you so much.